Throughout our day, we often have many reactive, negative interactions.

In Psychology, we teach that our perception (thoughts) determines our emotions, and our emotions determine how we react. If we have negative thoughts, we then experience negative emotions, which cause us to be reactive and go into a defensive and/or aggressive mode. 

There are fifteen common thinking errors we often use as templates to distort our thoughts during an interaction. Any time we have a negative encounter with someone or someone overreacts, one of these thinking errors was used.

1. Filtering – We take negative details and magnify them while filtering out all positive aspects of a situation.
2. Black and White Thinking – We place people or situations in either/or categories with no shades of gray.
3. Overgeneralization – We come to a general conclusion based on a single incident or a single piece of evidence.
4. Jumping to Conclusions – Without individuals saying so, we know what they are feeling and why they act the way they do. In particular, we can determine how people are feeling toward us.
5. Catastrophizing – We expect disaster to strike no matter what. This type of thinking is also referred to as “magnifying or minimizing.” We hear about a problem and immediately experience “worst-case scenario” thoughts.
6. Personalization – We believe everything others do or say is some kind of direct, personal reaction to us. We also compare ourselves to others trying to determine who is smarter, better looking, etc.
7. Control Fallacies – If we feel externally controlled, we see ourselves as a victim of other people’s control over us. Internal control has us assuming responsibility for the pain and happiness of everyone around us.
8. The Fallacy of Fairness – We feel resentful because the situation is not “fair.”
9. Blaming – We hold other people responsible for our pain, or we blame ourselves for every problem.
10. Shoulds – We have a list of ironclad rules about how others and we should behave.
11. Emotional Reasoning – We believe that what we feel in the moment must be true. We assume that our unhealthy emotions reflect the way things really are — “I feel it; therefore, it must be true.”
12. The Fallacy of Change – We expect that other people will change to suit us if we just pressure or cajole them enough.
13. Global Labeling – We generalize one or two qualities into a negative global judgment (stereotyping).
14. Always Being Right – We are continually on trial to prove that our opinions and actions are correct. Being wrong is unthinkable, and we will go to any length to demonstrate our rightness.
15. Heaven’s Reward Fallacy – We expect our sacrifice and self-denial to pay off as if someone is keeping score. We feel bitter when the reward doesn’t come.

The goal is to be aware of when we use a thinking error and immediately change our thoughts about the situation. Think of a cube; there is more than one side to look at – it just depends on how we hold it.

If you ask yourself, “What if I look at this situation in a different way?” you’ll find that your reactions are healthy and you don’t overreact.

On what we focus, our attention will determine if we are proactive or reactive in a situation. The more aware we are in not using one of these thinking errors, the more successful we will be in life.

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