James was the mental health expert in this NEWSWEEK article.

Read the complete article below.

A man refusing to pay for his daughter’s wedding after she invited his estranged brother is being backed online.

In a post shared to Reddit‘s AITA forum on October 21, user u/father-of-the-bride said he hadn’t spoken to his brother for more than 25 years, after he had an affair with the poster’s then-girlfriend.

However, the father was recently shocked to discover that his daughter had not only invited his brother to the wedding, but had secretly built a relationship with the man and his family behind his back. This family includes u/father-of-the-bride’s ex, whom his brother ended up marrying and having children with.

Originally, the poster had agreed to pay half of the wedding costs, but feeling betrayed by his daughter, he decided to withdraw the offer. The decision has led to a rift with his child, with other family members getting involved and criticizing him.

‘How Much Does This Boundary Really Mean to You?’

James Miller—a psychotherapist and host of the self-development and wellbeing radio show LIFEOLOGY—told Newsweek that setting boundaries is healthy but can be taken too far.

“The poster’s boundary of not wanting to see his brother is his choice, and often in situations like this, our pain is all-consuming,” Miller said.

“Boundaries keep us safe. We set an expectation and follow it up with a consequence. However, when our boundary demands that others have the same mentality about the situation, the boundary becomes unhealthy.”

In situations such as this, Miller said it was worth considering how much this issue really means to you—is it worth the things you would have to give up to maintain it?

“The poster has separated himself from his ex-wife, daughter, parents and others. Is his history with his brother worth losing all of the people he has shunned?” Miller added.

Another option is to try to find a compromise, one that allows you to maintain your boundaries without damaging your relationships.

“If he considers attending and paying for 50 percent of the wedding, are there compromises he can set with his daughter? For example, not being seated close to them,” Miller said.

“Separating his brother’s betrayal and his daughter’s wedding plans will help him to focus on his emotions and energy in a healthier way.”

‘Betrayed Your Trust’

In his post, u/father-of-the-bride said he hadn’t spoken to his brother in 26 years. The pair fell out when the poster was 20 years old (now 46), when his older brother (now 48) hooked up with his girlfriend.

“I told him he is no longer my brother,” the Redditor wrote. “Despite my request, my family didn’t cut him off, so I told them that I will never again be in the same place as he is.

“If they wish to invite both, then they should just invite him as I am the one giving ultimate.”

Ever since, u/father-of-the-bride has skipped events he knows his brother will be attending, especially as the sibling married his “cheating ex.” However, his daughter is getting married in 2023 and has decided to invite her uncle and his wife.

The poster originally intended to pay half for the wedding, but after finding out his brother is on the guest list, he withdrew his offer.

“Apparently, she was seeing them for the last 4 years and built a relationship behind my back,” he wrote. “She even wants her cousin to be some kind of flower girl.

“I told her what my boundaries are and if my brother is invited then I will not pay my part of the wedding.”

The Redditor added: “She became angry and told me it’s time to let go of the past. I told her it’s not her call to make.”

Since refusing to pay, angry family members and friends, including his ex-wife, his parents, and his current partner, have been calling u/father-of-the-bride to ask him to reconsider.

“I told them off and now I’m ignoring their calls,” the poster said.

“My girlfriend told me to reconsider and apologize. That by not paying and attending I will break the relationship with my daughter,” he added. “I think my boundaries should be respected.”

If you have a similar family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.

The majority of Redditors felt that u/father-of-the-bride was in the right in this situation. Since being posted, the story has received more than 25,000 upvotes and 3,700 comments.

“Your daughter has decided that she’s willing to alienate you for someone that betrayed your trust,” wrote AsuraRathalos. “It doesn’t matter if it was 20 years ago, it only matters that it happened.”

LeadmeNotFL agreed, writing: “It’s easy to say ‘get over it’ when it wasn’t done to them.”

“The people around you need a reality check,” commented Caribe92. “Ask your daughter if her fiancé cheated on her tomorrow, moved on with the affair partner, and you decided to stay close with him, if she’d be okay with it.”

Nevertheless, Apprehensive_Secret2 did warn the poster this decision will likely damage his relationship with his daughter irrevocably.

“Your daughter should not get to dictate when or if you let go of the past, but she is well within her rights to invite whomever she wants to her wedding and build a relationship with her uncle if she chooses to,” he wrote.

“It’s time to reconsider whether or not being in the same room as your brother is worth sacrificing your relationship with your daughter.”

Newsweek has reached out to u/father-of-the-bride for comment.

BY SOPHIE LLOYD ON 11/10/22 AT 7:43 AM EST