If someone were to ask you who you are, what would you tell them? Would you list all the roles and responsibilities you have? Or recite the events of your life? We often forget that we are the ones who decide who we are. The circumstances of life, or situations that have happened to us, are simply events, they are not who we are. The problem is that we often use these types of experiences to define us. For example, if I became divorced, I am now James, the divorced person. Or, if I continually have multiple failed business ventures, then I’m a failed business person. The reality is, those are simply events; we decide who we are.

It’s interesting, depending on how you feel, or in other words, how you feel in the moment, determines what you remember about your past. When you reflect on your history, it’s influenced by the mood you are feeling at the moment. So, If I’m in a really good mood, and someone says, “James tell me about yourself,” it would be easy for me to recount all the wonderful things I like about myself. At that moment, that’s how I would describe myself.

If you ask me who I am on a day, that perhaps, I awoke on the wrong side of the bed, my story would most likely be different. I would focus on things that are not going well, and tell you all the things about my life that I do not like, or even memories that were painful for me. The problem is that when we continue to do this, we forget that every moment is an opportunity for us to do something healthy or even healthier. When we continually recount or repeat the same patterns of life, we forgot that each moment is an opportunity – a choice. Just because I may do the same thing over and over again, does not mean I have to do that now in my present.

Once you are aware of these choices, you can make a permanent change. That change then sets you up for an opportunity to make another healthier choice in the next moment, and in the next moment, and the next. The way to change this is to slow down and ask yourself, “What am I doing?” Or, “Why do I continue to do the same thing over and over again? This introspection and awareness allow you to slow down just for a few seconds to see if what you are doing is working for you?

If you continue to engage in the same behavior, what has been your outcome in the past? Are you okay with that outcome? Do you want something different in your life? If so, it is vital that you slow down, and remind yourself, just because you’ve done things this way in the past, does not mean you should do them again in your present or your future. Or, just because you’ve done certain behaviors in the past does not mean that’s who you are – it’s just simply what you’ve done.

We’ve all heard of many success stories of individuals who have had horrible upbringings, with severe lack, illness, poverty, and who live in war-torn countries. Somehow, they were able to rise above it. Of course, we never compare anybody’s past, but remember if one person can do it, we all can do it.

How you define your life determines your success.

You are not a product of your past.

You decide your story.