For many of us, the holiday season holds nostalgic memories full of laughter, delicious foods, and joyous times with family and friends. However, laughter and family and friend connections can fade. The holiday season can often be a dreaded and lonely time for people. There is nothing worse than having a day full of memories bombard you with loneliness and grief. All you can do is sit and feel depressed, lonely, and forgotten.

One thing I always instruct people to do is to plan for the holidays. When you can plan for what you are going to do, on that specific day, it helps you focus on the practical logistics as opposed to the emotional thoughts of what has changed. When you focus on your life and all that has changed, unfortunately, that will be all you think about. Refocus on what you can do for yourself and plan to have an eventful day.

There are some people with whom I work who say to me, “James, I don’t have anyone with whom to spend the holidays.” As lonely as that feels, you can still plan to spend the day by yourself. It may sound cliché, but when you plan your day’s itinerary, you realize you can still honor the traditions or events that you experienced during happier times.

In preparation for planning your holiday event, write down traditions or memories that brought you joy throughout the years. Are there traditions or ideas things you can recreate by yourself or with your new set of friends? Which ones would you like to recreate?

Next, start the planning process for the specific day. What time are you going to wake up? Are you cooking? What food is on the menu? What time are you eating? What will be your entertainment: movies, parade, football game, etc.? Is there a specific music playlist you’d like to hear that day? Is there a new cocktail you’d like to try? What’s your favorite dessert? The idea is to make your schedule full of choices you make that will create new traditions and memories and allow your mind to be occupied.

When you use your emotional energy for practical action, you find your holiday is not as painful as you thought it would be.

Remember, if you decide to partake in adult libations, alcohol is a depressant—the rule of thumb: whatever emotional state you are in before drinking heightens the mood. If you are feeling depressed, then the depression will manifest itself more strongly. If you are feeling hopeless, hopelessness will overtake you. Don’t overindulge in alcohol, or you may be consumed with overwhelming emotions

Don’t emotionally forecast that your future will always be this way. What you are experiencing today does not mean you will feel the same way tomorrow or that your future will be full of loneliness. It’s often difficult not to memorialize a holiday. Still, when you focus on what you no longer have, you are setting yourself up to recreate the same feelings of loss every holiday season.

Decide to be proactive this holiday season. Just because it may be different than in the past does not mean it cannot be special in its own way. Creating new traditions, even if it’s by yourself, helps you break away from your yesteryears.

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