The words people speak over you shape your life. Perhaps you had a parent, teacher, or friend who has encouraged you, and those words have molded you into the individual you are today. This can also work in the negative. People can speak words of discouragement, put negative labels on you, or hinder you from reaching your full potential. What you internalize becomes your identity.

If you were to strip away your external identity, your relationship status, work title, socio-economic status, etc., what would be left? What descriptors would you use to define who you are? If an outsider were to hear your internal monologue, what would they hear? Would you say words of affirmation or words of defeat and self-loathing? During the times when you make mistakes or are embarrassed about something, do you tell yourself you are dumb, stupid, or berate yourself? The word choices you use during these times are the core beliefs you have about yourself.

There is nothing wrong with struggling with your identity. Still, if you continue to use these negative labels, then you will never rise above your current level of development. The goal is to change your core belief by catching yourself when you use these words of self-defeat. Acknowledge the perceived failure but immediately follow it up with what you learned and how you will be more mindful in the future. Remember, you would show mercy and speak words of compassion if someone else were to make these same mistakes. Why wouldn’t you speak those same words to yourself?

Affirmation is one of the best self-help tools you can practice. Make a list of positive attributes you possess that you can verbalize each morning. This list can affirm personality attributes, physical characteristics, or behaviors of which you are proud. It can also be a list of reassurances in areas upon which you will (future tense) improve. If you struggle with creating a list, then write down what positive things others have said about you.

Once you have completed this list, you must read it aloud. As you read each one, take a moment to look in the mirror and say the affirmation to yourself. You may be surprised at how difficult it is, or how you may blush as you compliment yourself. Remember, your mind will often tell you this is silly, or what you are saying is not true. At this time you have to choose to believe what you are saying is true even if you don’t believe it at the moment. Speaking positively about your self is a choice. You can either bless or curse yourself with your words. When you practice this daily, your core belief starts to change, and those negative self-labels morph into something beautiful.

You are not the person that people belittled or made fun of when you were younger. You have developed and blossomed into an amazing person who is embraced by many friends and family. It’s time for you to acknowledge this person and use your internal monologue to speak life and encouragement to you.

No one can love you as well as yourself.