LIFEOLOGY® | Articles

Not every friend you have is healthy for you. Listen to how your friends talk about others because that is how they are talking about you. Conversely, be mindful of what you say about others because your friends are listening to you as well. #friendships #relationships #gossip #meangirls #backstabbing #communication #assertiveness #motivate #inspire #change #evolve

Often life happens and it doesn’t make sense. We spend our time and energy trying to figure out what went wrong instead of now focusing on what we can control. When it doesn’t make sense, don’t focus on the why but now focus on the what next. #focus #life #choices #jamesmillerlifeology #wellness

Self-soothing often happens automatically. Learn how your senses shape habits, emotional regulation, and conscious choice. #selfsoothing #coping #habits #jamesmillerlifeology

Anger is one of the six basic emotions, but when used in an unhealthy, reactive way there are 5 reinforcing anger payoffs that can destroy a relationship. #anger #rage #communication #manipulation #relationships #jamesmillerlifeology

Throughout our day, we often have many reactive, negative interactions. In Psychology, we are taught our perception (thought) determines our emotions, and our emotions determine how we react. If we have negative thoughts, we then experience negative emotions that cause us to be reactive and go into a defensive mode. There are fifteen common thinking errors we often use as a template to distort our thoughts during an interaction. Any time we have a negative encounter with someone one of these thinking errors are used.

1. Filtering – We take negative details and magnify them while filtering out all positive aspects of a situation.
2. Black and White Thinking – We place people or situations in either/or categories with no shades of gray.
3. Overgeneralization – We come to a general conclusion based on a single incident or a single piece of evidence.
4. Jumping to Conclusions – Without individuals saying so, we know what they are feeling and why they act the way they do. In particular, we can determine how people are feeling toward us.
5. Catastrophizing – We expect disaster to strike no matter what. This is also referred to as “magnifying or minimizing.” We hear about a problem and immediately experience “worst case scenario” thoughts.
6. Personalization – We believe everything others do or say is some direct, personal reaction to us. We also compare ourselves to others trying to determine who is smarter, better looking, etc.
7. Control Fallacies – If we feel externally controlled, we see ourselves as a victim of other people’s control over us. Internal control has us assuming responsibility for the pain and happiness of everyone around us.
8. Fallacy of Fairness – We feel resentful because the situation is not “fair.”
9. Blaming – We hold other people responsible for our pain, or we blame ourselves for every problem.
10. Shoulds
    
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When we experience a negative situation, we often think that our life will remain the same. When you use your emotions to negatively forecast your future, your future will be bleak. #anxiety #worry #fear #hope #goals #jamesmillerlifeology

The Jar of Life reminds us that what matters most must be placed first, or life’s smaller demands will take up the space. #priorities #life #lessons #parable

Why settling in relationships is not always the issue. James Miller explores modern dating, emotional stand-ins, and expectations.

Did you know that self-sabotage starts in less than 3 seconds? Learn this rule to move yourself one step closer to you accomplish your goals. #goals #selfsabotage #inspire #motivate #success