We all have seen television shows where there are a group of friends who continually gossip about each other and disclose what was told in secret. When we see these shows, we often root for the underdog or pretend as if we could easily destroy these backstabbing friends in a strong, assertive way. The reality is, you currently have someone in your life who is backstabbing you. Conversely, you may be a backstabbing friend as well. When you think of it in that respect, it sobers us to the idea that not all of our friends are as they seem.

One of the best things you can do when you analyze a friendship is to listen to how your friends talk about others. Are they uplifting that person, or are they tearing them down? Are they sharing secrets that you know others are not privy to? The rule of thumb is essentially, listen to what your friends are saying about others because that is how they are speaking about you. This is a powerful tool that gives you a baseline to determine how people genuinely act when they think no one is paying attention.

When you discuss someone, and we all have been guilty of it, do your friends gently remind you to be kind or remove themselves from the conversation? These types of individuals are the ones who you can be confident are protecting you and being assertive when others speak about you. These people are safe and whose friendship should be cherished. Accept their gentle reprimand and attempt to be more like them.

Many times people try to justify why they are talking about someone else. Still, at the core of it, there is no justification for breaking trust in what was divulged in confidence. If you find that you want to vent about someone, be mindful of what you say and how it is said. You don’t want to fall into the category of a backstabbing friend yourself

Once you realize your friends are backstabbing you, how do you respond? It’s easy for us to feel victimized and betrayed when this happens. If you choose to confront them, realize that whatever you say, they are going to discuss this with your mutual friend group. The unapologetic, backstabbing friend will always attempt to save face in front of others and continue to deflect by talking about how you are acting. Whether what you say is valid or not, it will not be understood that way by your peers. If you start talking about this person, even though you feel justified in your actions, you, unfortunately, are becoming like them. If you’ve attempted to be civil in your confrontation and the backstabbing friends are unwilling to apologize, then what more is there to say?

You can’t hang out with chickens and expect to soar with eagles.

In another chapter, I discussed the four categories of people. This chapter explains how each relationship you have falls into four categories. Once you identify under which category your friendship lies, it will help you realize how much energy to give to that relationships.

The best tool to protect against backstabbing relationships is prevention. Listen to your friends today. You may be surprised at what you hear. Even more so, you may be surprised at what you hear yourself saying in your friend group. Be vigilant because with whomever you associate is how you, too, will be known.