Baggage is something we all feel we have at some time in our life. What exactly is baggage? Baggage is an analogy we use to describe things in our past that we bring into a new situation. It often interferes with our ability to be successful in our new environment. Most people don’t realize that baggage is not the life events that we’ve experienced, but the emotions we assign to those events.

There is a clinical term we use that’s called Radical Acceptance. It basically means you accept the facts as they are without the emotion that you experienced. It doesn’t mean we like what has happened, or that it takes away the responsibility of others. However, the facts are the facts and will not change regardless of how much you want them to. When you accept the situation for what it is, it’s easier to see which feelings you have assigned to it. For example, let’s say your current “baggage” is you’ve been in, what you perceive to be, multiple failed relationships. You enter into the next relationship feeling broken, with low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, and shame. The fact is your past relationships did not last. The actual baggage you bring into the new relationship is the negative self-perception you felt after each previous relationship ended – not the fact that the relationship ended. In other words, the baggage is time after the relationship ended when you emotional beat yourself up.

What most people do is assign situations from their past as labels of who they are today. The events you went through are simply events, they are not your identity. If you assign them as such, you ultimately bring the emotional baggage or that label into the new situation and will not be able to start anew.

Think of your life as a jigsaw puzzle. Each life event is somehow connected to another event, and they make up the overall picture of your life. If you were to isolate one of those puzzle pieces and try and figure out how it fits into the final image, it would not make sense. It’s the same thing in your own life. When you isolate a past event, you often have tunnel vision, and it distorts your future. You then identify yourself by the result of that event.

Life is fluid; it’s always changing. Do not let your life events become your identity. If you do, then you will not be able to successfully transition into the next chapter of your life. You are not the “divorced person,” “the bankrupt person,” “the sick person.” Those are events. They do not define who you are.

Each event you have experienced has all worked together to create the amazing person that you are today. You cannot always be on the mountaintop. Life will make you walk through many valleys to reach the next height. The key is to walk through the valley and not camp out in it. Of course, you would not want to experience the same life events again, but, just like the jigsaw puzzle, it all works together to create the person you are today.

You determine what is considered baggage in your own life. Society often dictates that certain things are not socially acceptable and will try and make you feel bad about yourself. You get to decide how much you let that affect you.

If you remove your negative emotions from past events and focus on who you are today, those past events will be a healthy foundation for the next chapter of your life

Leave the baggage in the past, the only thing that serves you today are the life lessons you have learned along the way.

Travel lightly.

www.JamesMillerLIFEOLOGY.com

REFERENCES:

• Warncke, C. (2014) 5 Steps to Deal with Emotional Baggage So It Doesn’t Define You  [Blog Post]  Retrieved from: https://tinybuddha.com/blog/5-steps-deal-with-emotional-baggage-so-it-doesnt-define-you/
• Stebler, C. (2016) 11 Tips For Letting Go Of Relationship Baggage & Moving On [Blog Post]  Retrieved from: https://www.bustle.com/articles/173729-11-tips-for-letting-go-of-relationship-baggage-moving-on
• Bernstein, J., Ph.D. (2017) Three Ways to Break Free of Your Past Relationship Baggage [Blog Post]  Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/liking-the-child-you-love/201706/three-ways-break-free-your-past-relationship-baggage

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